I’m pretty sure that when someone close in the family passes away (even if they aren’t close probably, just death in general), that everyone starts thinking deeper about life, death, love, their relationships with everyone and really cherishing life while we have it. And we KNOW we should be doing that hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly. But a death close to home really makes people reflect, and that’s just how it is.
Late Sunday night, my 96 year old grandmother expired. I say expired, because literally that’s what happened. She reached her expiration date. She wasn’t terminally sick, she never had cancer, she never had any real illness – the woman was strong, healthy, and tough. She worked at the same place for 76 years! Who does that these days? Who does that at all…
She was the reason that I always went on trips and turned over every piece of china I was served on, to see if it said “Syracuse China” on the bottom. And finding out that plates in Hawaii, Las Vegas, and Miami were from the place my grandmother worked most of her life was so exciting to me! She was overbearing and she had to control everything – the most independent, 
strong woman in the family (now I put that title on my Aunt, who has taken care of her since she started to weaken and is the next generation of Tough, raised by the Toughest). She was on the Price Is Right, her favorite show. She LOVED to play Bingo. She taught me how to play. I used to go with her when I was younger and LOVED it. Thanks for showing me the thrill of gambling, Gram 
I used to spend hours in her basement playing her old out-of-tune piano, and when I got older she even bought me my own upright. She fostered my love of music and was always there to hear me.
A few days ago when I went to see her with my dad, she was at the end – weak, not able to speak clearly, see, or really hear well. At one point she looked toward my father (her son) and said “Joey, did you have breakfast?” I thought that was hilarious. Making sure he had breakfast until the bitter end, LOL. Realizing she was somewhat coherent, he said “Yannow, Nikki is here too.” She turned toward me on the other side of her bed and she said, “Oh. Nikki… I love you.”
THAT was the last thing I heard from my grandmother’s mouth and I’ll hold onto that one forever. Don’t we all wish we could have said that just one more time? I exchanged I Love You’s with my grandmother 2 days before she passed away. I’ll hold onto that memory forever, it was just fantastic. No one was prouder of me in anything I ever did than my grandmother, and that’s undisputable. ESPECIALLY in my endeavors as a vocalist. She would try to make me sing in front of EVERYONE. She wanted me to sing in church, she played recordings and videos of me for people who didn’t even know me at her house – she was prouder than proud. Me? I refused, no way was I singing in her church or anywhere else in front of her friends… but she finally got me. My Aunt called me this morning, letting me know that in my grandmother’s Last Wishes that she wrote out… she requested I sing the Ave Maria at her funeral. I’m half totally honored and half just laughing because she finally got me to sing in her church, now, didn’t she?! Ha! And so it shall be.
But really, no matter how many eyes rolled when she complained or called us repeatedly, hounded us to EAT EAT EAT at her house no matter how full we already were… she was it. The ultimate Martiarch. The woman was tougher than steel but she loved her family like crazy. I remember her answering machine messages at my parents’ house that ran on so long she’d run out the tape. I remember her force-feeding us pounds of cavatelli which will remain my favorite pasta forever (it’s just SO damn good, but no one makes a Gluten Free version!). I remember she would never throw out food and had a freezer full of
stuff that no one wanted to touch because it had been there so long. I remember whenever she got a gift from someone she would give it to one of us – the queen of the Re-Gift. She never wanted to eat the boxes of chocolates she got, she would make us eat them. Those yellow Whitman’s Sampler boxes with the charts that told you what was in every chocolate… God those were delicious. LOL. Everything at her house seemed to revolve around food – and photos. She had so many photos of us in her dining room, like legit Display Cases full of them. I really wish she could have lived to see me (the last unmarried grandchild) get married… but I know whenever and wherever, she’ll stop what she’s doing to watch with an aerial view.
Getting older means inevitably parting with loved ones, as everyone gets older and we can’t stop time, disease, or fate from taking people one by one around us. But if we cherish the ones who cherish us, keep our closest all close, and make sure they know we love them – when they are no longer with us, we can all feel that peace in knowing they understood they were important to us. I’ve only lost one other family member who I was really close to, about 13 years ago. And no matter how long they lived or how “expected” it was, Lord does losing them hit you in the chest.
So this week is one for the books. Heaven gets a new COO this week. She’ll let God stay CEO, but she’s definitely going to run his day-to-day operations and she won’t take no for an answer.
<3 NF
